There’s a reason why the Bible says that a man shall not teach his wife how to drive. Or does it?

By wife, I mean all categories of wives. Goat wives, mother-of-my-children-who-trapped-me-with-pregnancy wives, I’ll-pay-dowry-some-day wives, how-did-we-end-up-here wives and the faithful side chick wife-ish wives.

“Turn the steering. Not that way, the other way. Kata yote.”

Wife does as told.

“Songa mbele kidogo.” Wife does as told.

“Rudi nyuma halafu ukate kwako halafu ukate kwangu, halafu uweke baking powder na masala na whipping cream, halafu ukoroge, halafu, ufunikie bonnet, halafu uifanyie brain surgery na utoe kichwa yote …”

“What are you doing!?

“Si umesema nitoe kichwa yote?”

“Kichwa ya gari, sio kichwa yako!”

Lawwwwd! You’ve scratched the bumper!

“Lakini si gari imetoka. Get in, show me how to turn the one of going back where I came from.”(Facepalm)

The most underrated and unrecorded world war is between a married couple driving in the same car, with one of them as the driver.

He’s always seeing the pearly gates and Peter beckoning him to come hither and join the heavenly choir. He knows he can’t sing and he’ll end up in the kitchen with Shadrach and Abednego peeling potatoes for the great banquet.

Do you know what the passenger door handle that’s stuck on the rooftop is for? It’s for husbands to hold onto dear life when teaching their wives how to drive.

Teaching a spouse driving is pure trials and temptations. Just being in the same car with them is enough to make you lose your salvation.She’s always wondering why you’re driving too slow, too fast, too serious, too fogothary. He’s always missing directions and you will have an open heart surgery without anesthesia before you can ask for directions.

She doesn’t understand why he’s having palpitations when a Toyota overtakes their beloved Subaru. Why he feels the need to step on the gas until his foot is touching the headlights just to prove a point.

It should be a prerequisite for marriage. If you can drive together for two weeks without anyone killing anyone, congratulations, you have passed the test. You can get married.

But it’s no guarantee.