Are You Happy – Or Married?


Oftentimes, I get very conflicted while writing about marriage. I’m afraid of coming across as a know-it-all in my quest to tell it like it is. I struggle with feelings of inadequacy seeing that I have only been married for ONLY five years. I hear that I’m still on honeymoon, that I haven’t see it all. That by the time we get to past 7 years, i’ll just come back to earth and watch the cookie crumble.

Our ‘honeymoon period’ was pathetic, so you’d understand why that school of thought scares me breathless! We  did not understand each other. We were constantly frustrated by each other. I’d hate for that to be the best times in our marriage ever! But the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. We are wiser, more understanding and happier than we have ever been!

However, I also keep getting ‘accused’ by many single people that we don’t portray marriage honestly. Many of us, when we get married we just retreat into a corner as we ‘fight’ for our marriages. And when many speak in the subject, it’s all doom and gloom.

Couples who openly portray their happiness especially on social media are often accused of showing only the good side and hiding the ugly. We are encouraged not to be so open about our happiness, to avoid sharing too much, to celebrate in silence. You see my dilemma?

This confusion has kept me quiet on this blog for a full year and a half. I have been reflecting and trying to “mind my business” and not seem too happy. More times than  I cared to count, I have had inspirations for articles, but I couldn’t bring myself to write them. But the Lord has put a burning coal on my lips, so I will speak.

Last week, a friend who is single shared a few encounters she has had with her nephews and friend’s kids. They have at different times told her, one time in the presence of their mom that they don’t want to get married and have kids like mommy; they want to be single and free and happy like auntie.

I totally understand the ‘free’ bit. Have you tried going on vacation with a three year old and a one year old? We went on a vacation last week and I feel like I need hardship allowance! We went for lunch in one of their three restaurants and there we were, mesmerised by the array of sumptuous meals — from fancy and spicy Indian cuisine to grilled shark. And missy Z decided she’s having weetabix and nothing else! WEETABIX! Bring on the freedom already!

But Happy? Have we painted marriage with such dark colours that even pre-teens are not seeing any happiness in it? I know we know the scripture, that marriage points to the relationship between God and His bride, the Church. But how many times do we live consciously and deliberately with this truth at the fore?

Of all the analogies God could use to demonstrate his desired relationship with us, he chose marriage. A union of two sinners, bred in different homes, localities, sometimes continents. People with different characters and mannerisms. Offering each other companionship that no one else can and should be allowed to offer.

In this age of feminism, I had been blinded for a long time to think marriage is not an achievement. This thought was reinforced in many social media posts, memes and groups. I repeatedly told Mr. K that I don’t think it’s a privilege I’m married and others are not. Oh, Lord, remember not the sins of my youth! It is not an achievement in that I didn’t work very hard for it, it’s a blessing beyond anything I could have worked to get.

I have come to see the privilege the Lord has given me to be among those who will demonstrate his love to the world. I may be the only bible some people will ever read. It comes with many ‘troubles’ like Paul observed. But every time I cuddle up in my husband’s arms, every time I see him praying for us, every single time we walk and he’s holding my hand, every time he forgives me for the craziest of things and still wants to be with me — I see God. And the closer I get to God, the closer I get to Mr. K.

Mr. K and I don’t have the most perfect marriage on earth. If we told you the battles we have fought, and uglily so, you wouldn’t believe the half of it. Unfortunately, most of them were foolish battles. Until we decided to be deliberate in our efforts to live like we are actually accountable to God  in this marriage. We have a mandate first to God, then to each other to make each other happy and to point others to Christ. If we never preach to anyone else, let Zawadi and Taji love our union so much that they want to get married!

Because Marriage = Happiness.