Marriage: A Prison For The Free


Today, I went to buy a movie. When the movie guy saw my gold bling :), he couldn’t help but wonder how we dare get into this ‘thing’ that is so impossible. I mean, with all the ‘discomfort and headache’ involved, how do we cope?

He sounded funny. He reminded me of one guy who asked why anyone in his/her right mind would dare enter into anything called an institution willingly.

Before I got married, I had quite a number of friends who were excited about the whole thing. They encouraged me and made me know that indeed, this was a great road to take.

And then there were a few who wondered what had gotten into me! According to them, I must have been smoking something cheap and I needed to stop before the wedding and marriage madness went too far.

I actually never took them seriously and I never gave it too much thought until this movie guy spent half an hour telling me how impossible marriage is. Well,that is unless you are married to a Meru girl-according to this marriage phobic movie seller :).

So, I walked home thinking. Why are so many people afraid of marriage? Is it bitter past, real facts or just old-wives’ tales that make people fear marriage to the point of dismissing it as impossible?

One of my clients at work even gave me his personal number and ‘offered’ to be my fall back in case Kamana and I don’t work out. His marriage had failed miserably and he was very sure I was making the biggest mistake of my life.

After thinking really had, I realized that they were right for thinking that marriage is hard work. It’s like I’ve said before; marriage is not for boys and girls. It’s for men and women.

Men and women who know that marriage is about sacrifice, forgiveness and hardwork. It’s the place where 1+1=1. It’s the place of less ‘me’ and more ‘we’. It’s the one place where your character is tested to the limit and your patience tried up to death. Literary.

Your patience is tried because you keep expecting the other person to change and be more like you, and they don’t. The women get into marriage expecting the men to change, and they don’t. The men get into marriage expecting the women NOT to change. And they do. It can be quite confusing.

And it’s also the place you learn selflessness, service and tolerance. It’s the place where your deepest need for a companion are met and it’s the place where you can be happiest.

The Swahili made it worse by calling it ‘pingu za maisha’ which literary means Handcuffed for Life. This is one place where it’s not always about you and you cannot and should not be having your way all the time. Here, You do not belong to yourself, even your own body is not yours. If you doubt me, go and read 1 Corinthians 7:4.

This is one place where love is best expressed and you can only love best if you are tapping from the best source-God. Marriage is the one institution God chose to reflect how He loves us. To reflect how He wants to relate to us. Marriage is the reflection of the relationship between Christ and the Church. If we do it His way, it is POSSIBLE.

IMG_0093  I must say, this is one good prison, a prison for the free.