Some Things You Don’t Want to Hear


We all want to be told life is bliss and all things are bright and beautiful – especially in marriage. Well, here are a few things I probably wouldn’t have wanted to hear that I know will be beneficial especially to the newly weds. If I had seriously thought about them, I would have had a happier first year of marriage!

1. You will get serious ‘culture shock’

I’m speaking to all the girls and men who haven’t lived together before their wedding since, honestly, those are the real newly weds. So you are expecting blissful first months of marriage? Well you will have them. Coupled with serious shocks and blows like you can’t believe. Problem is, you really can’t tell anyone about it because everyone will be expecting you to be having the time of your life, portraying anything but, seems suicidal.

You will have to get used to someone intruding in your space as you sleep. I remember one great friend calling me after the wedding and asking if I keep getting startled and jumping up in fright when I find a man on my bed! Well, Nowadays, I don’t. 🙂 Woe unto you if you are a light sleeper and your partner is…well …not exactly a silent sleeper.A sleep deprived wife is a grumpy wife, and a grumpy wife makes a grumpy husband=a grumpy home!

You will be vulnerable than you have never been in your life, more exposed to another human being than you have ever been and more open to hurt than you have ever been. And you will love every minute of it! Almost Every.

2. You Will Know Yourself — and either Hate Or Love Yourself

So you think you are generous, huh? Get married! So you think you are the most peaceful, polite human being in the universe? Get married! So you think you are the most caring, humble, God’s best gift to earth? Say it with me….get married!

Then you will discover that you are not the ‘humblest’ man that ever lived. Or you may discover you have patience that you previously thought never existed! Your partner will try you in the hardest ways possible and you will discover who you truly are. And once the mask is off, you will either loath yourself to depression, or give yourself a pat on the back. Whatever you find out, make sure you endeavor to become better.

I thought I was the most mature, straight thinking, problem solver south of Sahara. Until I discovered I need to work on the problem solving bit after I went mute on my hubby for hours — and I mean more than 24! He hated it and he said so and I got mad that he hated it and said so.I thought I wasn’t patient enough but in marriage I have found a patience and strong resolve to stick by my word and action that I thought were impossible. And my hubby has made me better at that.

3. You Will Have No Rights

Put the stones down, you post-modern people and let me explain. Thank you. Now, this is what I meant. While you were single, you did what you wanted, when you wanted, with whom you wanted, that is, given we are talking about general non-sinful things here like taking  hike to Mt. Longonot with the boys. Or going for a weekend sleep-over with the girls. Now, everything you do will have to include another human being, one that you love and respect and submit to. You cannot independently make decisions and expect your spouse to fit into them all the time!

This looks like a really small thing until you need to go for what you deem an important meeting over a weekend or that impromptu trip at work that is not exactly work related but you know you would loooove to be there. The once quick ‘yes’ response will have to be replaced with ‘I will talk to my …. first’ then get back to you.

Sometime, your significant other will not see the urgency or even the importance and then you will either have to cancel and keep a long face all through, beseech him/her the best way you know or just let go and let God! Cliche, right? Well, that is what helps. Knowing that it is God’s will for you to be there with your partner rather than elsewhere makes it all easy, and as you grow older in marriage, you realise that you would actually rather be there with your partner than anywhere else! Ask me!

4. Your first night will Not be heaven-on-earth

For once, get your head out of the soap opera, hollywood cloud and come back to earth! If you haven’t been sleeping with your partner, kudos! You have made it this far! Welcome to bliss. Now, tell me, have you ever tried riding a bike having never ridden one before? Well, tell me how easy it was to fall off and hurt yourself! After a while, you got the hang of it and rode to the horizon and into the sunset, all the while enjoying the breeze in your hair and the utmost ecstasy of…umm.. well, riding a bike!

You did have a few bruises after that and sore legs probably, but it also got better with time and you always looked forward to the time you will hop onto your bike and ride off into the sunset again. And now, you are a bike pro, you still have a few more tricks to learn but your bike riding is really great!

Enough said! Fumbo mfumbie mjinga, mwerevu ataing’amua. (My coast swag:)

4. This One You Will Want to Hear — You will be Happy!

I remember watching a show on TV earlier this week, and I don’t remember what the topic really was. I wasn’t even concentrating until the speaker said, ” Marriage is not happy. You just have to live with a resolve to forgive and forget and move on. Love is not even needed that much, just forgiveness.”

I say like my brodas from Naija, “na lie oooo!” Marriage is happiness, if you are not happy, seek out why and be happy! It is not suppose to be a relationship where you stick together because of any other reason other than the fact that you ant to be together because you find happiness in being together! In my early days of marriage, I once felt so angry at my husbabd that I told him I thought we were happier before we got married! He said he will endeavor to be happy in marriage and true to his word, I know he has been. And especially being married to me, he has really worked hard! Thank you, Ben <3 🙂

True, there are times you will feel like you want to murder someone. Sometime you will look at your spouse and wonder, ” what was I thinking?!?” Remember, they most certainly go through those phases too! But they choose to love you anyway, scars, flaws and all! So love them back and don’t stay on because of the kids or what people will say! Stay on because you can’t imagine life without them despite their many shortcomings!

Truth be told, it’s fun being married!!