To Submit or Not to submit? Wives Speak.


Submission. To submit or not to submit as a wife is the question. Submission is one of the things that today’s brides worry about as they get into marriage. And whether you know it or not, you do worry about it! You may think you are submissive, until you get to married! And then reality hits you harder than a grenade in Somalia.

Yesterday, as I watched My Dream Wedding on KTN, the bride asked a question that made me think really hard. It was even more pronounced because on the same show, another bride had loudly proclaimed the same thing. She had wondered why the pastor dared tell her to submit! I mean, she was miss independent, super educated, monied girl! Submit? Not her!

Yesterdays bride said, ”  I have a problem with some of the vows the pastor was asking me to repeat. Me, be submissive? I struggled all this long to be independent and now you want me to be submissive. Submit? to who? Not me”!

All this time, the husband sat next to, her with an expression I couldn’t really tell what it meant. My husband looked at the screen in disbelief. While I may not have been the model submissive wife, I really think hearing your wife ask ” submit to who?” isn’t one of the highlights of a man’s life in marriage.

I have struggled with submission myself, and sometimes I didn’t even know I wasn’t being submissive. My husband would later tell me, in not so many words and that would jolt me back to reality. Sometime we have had to meet each other half way in our decisions and other times,I’ve had to do what hes says, with a frown on many occasions :).

And since I didn’t want to just put my own opinion here, I sought to ask a few Christian ladies what they thought about submission. Christian because I believe they are informed from the best – the bible – where the submission rule came from! They are all career women who are married to career men. All have degrees in their respective fields so I assure you they were the best candidates.

Here is what they said:

Brenda Muse – married to Muse

For me it has nothing to do with my achievements. I could be the president of Kenya but reality is, to be happy in marriage, to have a good relationship, I submit! I learned I would rather be happy than right. It is not always easy especially during decision making when our opinions differ, but I pray, explain my pint of view, if I can’t win we take his way (sometimes grudgingly) and I know the peace is worth more than having my way.

Sometimes he is proved wrong and I’m tempted to tell him ‘I told you so’, but I’ve Learned to let go and work to build him, not tear him down.

Doreen Lemalee – married to Paul Lemalee

Me: Does submission have a limit to it? Is it p to a certain point or whatever Paul says carries the day?

Submission isn’t slavery where you are to be seen and not heard, otherwise my place as a helper would lose meaning. He isn’t the fountain of all truth. Just like God allows us to express the desires of our hearts if they are in line with His ultimate will, so it should be in marriage; the wife should be allowed to express her opinions as long as they are in line with the ultimate goal of the marriage.

Submission is the recognition that the husband has been given the mandate of carrying the vision or goal of the marriage to steer it. At times, he is expected to make the final decision because the buck stops with him.

Becky Wanja – married to Humphrey Kirimi

Submission is the willingness on the part of one to adapt their rights to those of the other. it’s a give and take kind of relationship where no one has a spirit of competion e.g in arguments or decision making. The Christ-God relationship is an example of mutual submission that all Christian couples should work at. Submission is not a master slave thing nor is it where the husband rules and commands and the wife obeys. No!

Extreme silence, helpless dependency and blind obedience are not marks of submission.  Submission out of love should not make one feel inferior and the other superior. it’s more than the things we do for our hubbys, it should be part of our everyday christian life. 

Bilha Omina – Married to Denin Omina

Submission is most easy when there is love. However, none of the two – Love vs Submission- is easier. Loving as Christ did is difficult and submitting as unto the Lord is also difficult. As long as I love God, I wont struggle to submit. 

I will say what Brenda said, “I’d rather be happy than right!”

Would you willingly submit to your husband? Lets talk and build each other up.

4 thoughts on “To Submit or Not to submit? Wives Speak.

  1. Well, Ild say the same… Its better to be happy than right! In my experience submission is so much easier when its a listening caring relationship. Sometimes I have had to learn how to listen more.

  2. Am following! Submission and love. God tells the husband to love because its easier for him to submit and the wife to submit while she can love freely. He must be teaching us to be better people.

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